Missing in Action

Where have I been, you ask?  Well, Im not a writer.  Im not usually a writer.  Life just kind of happened.

Since July 2012 we have:

• put 2 houses on the market {one still isn't sold.  whomp. whomp.}
• moved before either house sold {HUGE leap of faith}
• AH-mazing house put right in front of our face by God {we only looked at one}
• started kindergarten and ballet
• learned how to read
• moved a little from crib to big bed
• potty trained {blec!}
• tonsillectomy {very true that its harder on adults}
• experienced the tragic loss of a young family member
• taken on more work for my home embroidery business
• more responsibility in a family business = long hours for the hubs
• gone through hard church changes
• become a licensed foster care family
• first foster placement {TWINS}
• blessed with the kindness and generosity of more people than i could possibly every thank

But in the last few weeks I've had so much I wanted to share.  God has been moving mountains in me.  Very LARGE, Stubborn, million-year-old Mountains.

I will be back.  I want to write.  My to do list look a little something like this: {1}Goals {2}Anger {3}Foster Care {4}Leading a Quiet Life {5}Child Neglect & its Effects

You're probably thinking, "Wow! She's got a little bit of Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde going on."  I do.  I have so many things in this little brain of mine that need out.

To be continued...

Our First Adoption Story

Since I've been writing of things near and dear to my heart its time for adoption.  Adoption...what does it mean to our family? ...

Lil B @ 19 Months

...THIS is what adoption means to our family!  A tiny, blue eye'd, red-ish haired, PERFECT little boy!

In February 2010 we decided that God had led our minds and hearts towards adoption long enough.  It was time for us to do something.  Adoption had never not been an option for us.  We had always talked of adoption, possibly even while we were dating.  Honestly, taking the first step of contacting an agency wasn't even that scary to us.  {I totally attribute this to God.}  We called and said, "let's get started."

After prayerful consideration we knew that domestic adoption was the only option for our family at that point.  We thought domestic was cheaper....uuhhh, ok, we were wrong, its all pricey, but God is faithful ;)....and we knew that Ben's job wouldn't allow for extended times away.  Over the next 7 months we checked every box off the to do list from paperwork, to state mandated training {very long, and sometimes painfully boring}, to fingerprinting, to background checks, then blood work, next to the certificate that said our dog was up-to-date on her shots, then more paperwork, and finally the last step...our home study.  Phew!  We were done and officially "waiting" by the end of August.

We breezed through the fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas not even really feeling antsy.  We knew in our hearts that when God had chosen the child that needed to be in our family He would let us know.  {I can't say that if months and months had gone by with nothing I wouldn't have doubted.}  To our surprise we got a call just 2 days after Christmas about a 4 week old baby boy in Texas.

Here is were the story is a little different than many.  When we received the call it wasn't to tell us that we had been chosen.  It was a call from another agency looking for a family that was willing to take a child that could possibly have osteogensis imperfecta....imper-what?  Brittle Bone Disease.

Back up...Somewhere in that ream of paperwork that we filled out there was this 6 page checklist of "things" we had to decide if we would consider or would not consider in a child.   This by far was the. single. hardest. form we filled out.  There were 133 different scenarios that we had to decide if we would "take."  Let me list a few just so you can get an idea of how very hard this was:

• Child:
• Race
• Gender
• Age
• Number - YES, we would have taken twins...or more!  :)
• Health
• problems at birth, handicaps: both correctable or non correctable, drugs at birth, severe allergies, cancer, diabetes, hemophilia, heart disease or defect, epilepsy, brain damage, down's syndrome, autism, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, venereal disease, sickle cell anemia, major loss of sight or hearing, fetal alcohol syndrome, condition which could be terminal, result of incest or rape, retardation, developmentally delayed, learning disabilities...
• Family Background:
• Retardation
• Mental/Emotional Problems
• Physical Disabilities
• allergies, cancer, heart disease, heart defect, asthma, diabetes, hemophilia, kidney disease, hypertension, autism, cerebral palsy, sickle cell anemia....the list goes on and on
• Natural Parents:
• Mother: no prenatal care, smoked, drank alcohol or used drugs during pregnancy  {marijuana, heroin, cocaine, codeine, hallucinogenics, valium, prescription drugs}
• Mental Emotional Problems
• Physical Disabilities {same list as above + a few like STD's, HIV & AIDS}
• Father:  all the same as the mother

Y'ALL, this list, it was killer!  The first time I read through it all I could think was what if this was my own biological child?  How could I NOT take any of these!  Even if it was something like drug usage or some other disease that a child could get from the mother...it sure wasn't that child's fault.  How could I not love ANY child that God chose for me to love!

God is big enough that I can love my children AND love & embrace their birth families without fear or insecurity.  For they too where made in God's image.  Johnston Moore

Brittle Bone Disease...I'd heard of it before.  Although they gave us overnight to think and pray about it, I could have told them before the phone conversation ended that our answer would be an overwhelming YES. Yes! When can we go pick him up, YES!

This agency had contacted several agencies looking for families, like us, who were willing to love a child with a health consideration.  So, again we waited.  Other families had to have time to submit their "stuff" so they could be considered as well.  I know I said I was being patient...at this point I might have been a little impatient.  Over the entire previous 11 months I never once became impatient.  For the following 3 weeks I couldn't get this sweet baby boy off my mind.  Here is one of the great "God" things that happened during this journey...  I knew that this little boy was special.  I knew that whatever family he ended up in was EXACTLY where God wanted him to be.  I knew if it he wasn't part of my family I would be sad, but not heart broken....because God has a plan.  And, I trust Him!  I was totally at peace in my heart with the fact that God's great and mighty plan would play out in the end.  {This is so unlike me.  That's why I know it was a God thing.}

Finally, on January 17, 2011 HE WAS OURS!  We had a new son!  Little B.

Over the next 3 weeks we prepared for a new baby.  Im talking about the kind of preparing most people have 9 months to do.  I sorted and washed baby clothes that my sister and my friends were so kind to share with me.  I made, yes made, baby bedding.  I cleaned...every mother has that nesting stage.  :)  I did everything I could to prepare for this precious boy.

Also during that 3 weeks I had the privilege to start my relationship with Little B and the foster family he had been staying with for the first 7 weeks of his life.  Ill save that story for another day.  Its an amazing one too.  You'll definitely want to come back for that one.

He met us via the internet...the www is such a handy little tool :)

Some may wonder why its says Our First Adoption Story...well, I sure hope it isn't our last!  Im pretty sure James 1:27 was talking to me.

I know its not God's last adoption story.  God has an adoption story with each and every one of us.  He has adopted us so that we may be in relationship with him.  Why do we adopt?  So that our children may be in relationship with Him!!  Adoption isn't what we do.  It's what God does with our family.

Adoption wasn't just an "option," it was God's best!

For I know the plans I have for you, Little B, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.  Jeremiah 29: 11-13

Month 1:Food

I know that my dependence on food has nothing to do with Independence Day, but...I can tie it in, right?  :)  July 1st began my Project 7.  {If you missed reading about it look back here.}  Although Im only 4 days into this semi-fast, Im finding how truly dependent I am on food.  I think about food way too much.  I love food!  I love having something that tastes good in my mouth.  I find myself feeling like 31 WHOLE days of this seems so long.  Im possibly even dreaming a little bit about what I might eat on August 1st.

Obviously I haven't gotten over my selfish desires long enough to allow God room to work.  But, I am very excited about what God is teaching me....about myself and about Him.  Even if my own selfish desires have taken more of my thoughts than they should, I know that God is at work within me.  My Bible is finding its way into my hands more than normal.  Even when I have no idea what I want to read, I just open it praying that God will reveal Himself to me more with the words Im about to read.  God is teaching me to pray through my physical needs/wants and move onto more important things.  Why am I doing this? ....  When John rights about Jesus coming into the world to shine light so that everyone may truly believe, it hit me....

I come as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that throughout him all men might believe.  {John 1:6}

How I live my life shines as the biggest, brightest light to those looking for God's goodness and grace.  How can I pass this up?  I can't!!  Why am I doing this?  I want to walk in the light so that ultimately all  glory can be given to my God!  And, so that others may find their way out of the darkness as well.

For the first month we've chosen to eat only 7 foods.  {The hubs is doing this with me.}  Our 7 are: chicken, eggs, wheat bread, rice, sweet potatoes, green beans and apples.  We will use only the spices that are available in our house already and a little bit of butter on our toast.  We are also only drinking water.  Ben has made a huge sacrifice by giving up coffee.  Im so proud of him.  He is choosing to do something that is really hard for him.  For myself, eating those 7 foods and not "cheating" will be a huge thing for me.  I've also challenged myself to drink ONLY water for the entire 7 month period.

Why those 7 foods?  This seemed like a good group of foods.  I like all of them pretty well.  I knew that if this was truly going to make a difference in my heart it needed to be hard.  That's why I went with the 7 foods.  Although all of these foods are good--after-all, having food at all is a blessing that so many in this world don't have--it will be very easy to get bored with a lack of variety.  Its 4 days in and Im already interested to see how I will make it through a month.

A few weeks ago when I first found this book I asked among my Facebook friends if anyone would be interested in following along in the 7 month long experiment with me.  To my surprise 30 others responded.  Everyone is pursuing this month differently.  Ill list a few variations for you:

• A few have chosen to eat only 7 foods for the month.
• Others have chosen to remove 7 unhealthy foods from their diets.
• Some families have picked 7 impoverished countries to pray over and are eating what those countries eat for a few days.
• My friend MJ didn't feel convicted to change her eating habits due to the fact that she is nursing her twins.  But she did pray that God would show her where she needed change in her life.  And, she wrote this,  "I am praying that God would give me increased gratefulness for what we do have to consume, and that will overflow into genuine and worshipful prayers of thanks before and after meals.  And increased generosity in sharing with other, not just generosity when its comfortable or in the week's 'budget'."
• Another friend CG came up with 7 guidelines she would follow.  {1}Drink at least 7 glasses of water each day with gratitude that I have clean water to drink. {2}Prepare a meal each week for someone else, asking God to show me who. {3}One night each week eat beans and rice, thinking of the millions in the world who have no choices of what to eat for dinner.  {4}Eat home cooked meals. {5}Prepare meals as close to the earth and home as I can - eggs from home, beef from a neighboring county, veggies from local gardens.  {6}Cook from the abundance already in my pantry and freezer.  {7}Give thanks to God each time I eat.

All of my friends have sweet hearts.  Their genuine desire is to do only want to do what gives glory and honor to God.  I am blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by such wonderful women.

I hope that my honesty with my true feelings and desires only come across as an effort for transparency.  I don't want to seem a complainer.  And, I don't want to seem holier-than-thou either.  My prayer is that if you are reading this, you too will feel that same nudge I did.  The nudge to make some changes for God...to look for places in your life that you might have fallen idol to something that is taking up space in your heart, so that you may rid yourself of those making even more room for God.

I leave you with this Psalm that I heard in church last Sunday.  I immediately knew why I was hearing it...my journey was just beginning and God knew that I might need a reminder of where my strength will come from.

My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2

7: An Experiment Against Excess

Our culture is so selfish.  Im so selfish!  I believe God wants me to take a deep look into my life and see where Ive fallen idol to "things."  These things hold me prisoner in my own life.  These things take the place of areas of my heart that God should, wants, to be.

I've been challenged by a friend to read this book.  She honestly doesn't even know it.  I have read her blog as she has chronicled her journey through 7.  At first I read about her first month into the experiment and I thought "hmmm, looks interesting."  Then I would go back to stalk her blog a few weeks later and she would have written again about her journey.  About the third time I read about it I knew God was telling me something.  I haven't been able to get it off my mind.  Im choosing to interpret this as the Spirit saying "Go ahead.  Just do it!" 

"Do you feel trapped in the machine of excess?  Food. Clothing. Spending. Media. Possessions. Waste. Stress.  Jen and her family spent thirty days on each topic, boiling it down to the number seven.  Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing, and spend money in seven places.  Eliminate use of sever media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe "seven sacred pauses." So, what's the payoff from living a deeply reduced life?  It's the discover of a greatly increased God--a call towards Christ-like simplicity and generosity that transcends a social experiment to become a radically better existence." {From the back of the book}

Im excited and a little scared.  This will take a lot of self control on my part...something that has never been one of my stronger qualities.  Ive asked some friends to join me.  We start in July.  Stay tuned.  Theres more to come.

"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate"  Joel 2: 12-13

Eucharisteo

...not a word you hear very much.  Most may not know what it means.  Eucharisteo - to be grateful, feel thankful, give thanks.

I recently stumbled upon a book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  It was a beautiful book.  The inside is even more beautiful than the outside.  Reading it has been slower than usual, but not because it isn't good.  It is one of the most thought provoking books I've ever read.  As I read, I find myself stopping and thinking on her words--God's words--through her.  I sometimes don't even come back to it for a few days.  I ponder it in my heart because God is moving, and changing, and re-forming me.  I want to give Him room.

She is an amazing writer and poet.  Her words are so beautifully formed together.  Its a beautiful read!

It seems our world is so bogged down with getting the newest, the greatest, the fastest everything.  How can we even come to be truly grateful for what we have if we are always seeking what is next.

Im thankful for my amazing husband, and my beautiful children, and the home we live in.  But, do I give thanks for the humbling job of being my husbands most important helper in life? {even when its hard}  Am I thankful that I was chosen to be a mama to my two little blessings?  {even when Im cleaning up a spilled bowl of milk from the cracks of the table for the third morning in a row}  Am I content with the home I live in?   {it does provide shelter from the rain, cool from the heat and warmth from the cold}  Do your toes hurt a little?  Mine did too when I thought about this.  

How could I not be content, thankful, even joyful for these things.  Im right where I am on purpose.  God didn't place me on this earth to stumble my way around figuring out exactly what it is that Im supposed to do with my life.  He has an amazing plan for me.  All I have to do is step back, allow Him in, and watch Him work.

Living in gratitude, giving thanks for everything is the way to go from living on empty to full life.  Could my living in constant thankfulness, for even the smallest of things in each moment, be the key to seeing and receiving the fullest salvation that God intended for me?!

"Every moment I live, I live bowed to something.  If I don't see God in the moments, Ill bow to something else." 

I pray that I always see God, His faithfulness, and His glory.  And remember the greatest gift ever given, of His son, for my sin.

 "All gratitude is ultimately gratitude for Christ, all remembering a remembrance of Him."

"I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me."

What do I need to rid myself of so the God has room to grow within me?  ...b/c I sure do feel full, busy, overwhelmed with keeping my head above water sometimes...or most of the time.

"Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped.  God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy.  Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant--a seed--this plants the giant miracle.  The miracle of eucharisteo, like the Last Supper, is in the eating of crumbs, the swallowing down one mouthful.  Do not distain the small.  The role of the life--even the hard--is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitestimals, I miss the whole.  Life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time.  Little nails and a steady hammer can rebuild a life--eucharisteo precedes the miracle."

Ive lived all my life as a "Christian".  Or, have I been living like a Christian but not really living for Christ?  Am I living fully right where I am "as unto the Lord"?  I want to.  Im on the journey to that place.  Follow me.  Joy abounds!

And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:20

Live Freely

"So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you--you're eating to God's glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory." - The Message

I love the way Paul encourages us to realize that we aren't living our lives to please others.  If our hearts are truly set in focus on Jesus we aren't worried about please anyone but God, and living every moment for His glory.  And, to live it freely, full of joy and in thanksgiving.  Is it possible that everything else starts falling into place when we are freed from the burden of worldly gratification?  Gratification by things.  Gratification of having the approval of everyone around you.  Gratification of working harder, being the better __________ (fill in the blank)...whatever it is that you work so hard to accomplish that really isn't doing anything but seemingly building you up, not building up the Holy Name of our Savior.

My mind is racing.  My heart is overflowing.  Im thirsty for more.  God is working in my Spirit.  Its a beautiful day.  Be thankful and give glory!

For His Glory

God is moving in my heart, in my soul. I'm experiencing a deep, longing desire for more of Him. God is speaking into my spirit a passion & purpose for my life...His perfect plan for my life. Im ready and willing but realize that even with good intentions I have filled my life with too many things...material possessions, busy schedules, bad habits, unhealthy boundaries in relationships, lack of self discipline (ouch!), and much more...that get in the way of allowing God to work through me for His glory.

He has placed on my heart the need for a soul cleansing, a detox. As I search, read and pray He is revealing to me the things that are muddy-ing my heart. Possibly even things that are flat out robbing me of my joy. How can I even begin to have room for God to be glorified if my heart is full of things that are not from Him, or of Him.

I want to do BIG things for Christ. I want to live my life intentionally so that I may never feel regret that I didn't allow room for God to work his plan for me.

My hope and prayer for my family is that our story will always bring glory to our Lord and Savior. For it to be a testimony to Gods love for His people. To bring people into a loving, and saving, relationship with Christ our Redeemer.

I'm listening more than ever for the voice of God to lead me where He wants me. Claiming His promises, I'm truly ready to surrender and let Him begin Our Story for His Glory!

{I} Pray that the Lord, {my} God, will tell {me} where we should go and what we should do." Jeremiah 42:3